He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
