I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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