onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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