You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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