I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
