I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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