There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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