im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize