pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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