he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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