i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
