just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
