She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
