Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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