I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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