i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
