Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
