Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize