Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i was born a porn star she said
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You were trust falling into bushes
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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