I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
