I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
