Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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