I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
