Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
It's shark week go big or go home
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Randomize
