the new term for farting is butt boxing.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
