are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
