She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
