I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
