At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
