Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
