I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
