I looked at my own cervix.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize