I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
