I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
