Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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