Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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