No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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