Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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