Non-Jews are for practice
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
