does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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