After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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