She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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