I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
