I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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