i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
