i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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