Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
