Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
