im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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