i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
