Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
