fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
