Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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