awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I fill condoms, not promises.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
