I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
