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She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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