a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my sisters under your porch take her home
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize