either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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