Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
