I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
