I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
