do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Randomize
