Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize