thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
