So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
