The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize