Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
