hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
