This is not my ceiling
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
