hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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