I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
This baby is an asshole
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize