Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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