The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
