please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
