I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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