yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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