Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
