I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
