I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
