I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
