its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
