I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
