and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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