why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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