Will you blow on my dice?
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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