Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize