I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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