Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
