and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
