I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
