apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
