we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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