at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
