It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
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