How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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