so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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