If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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