Will you blow on my dice?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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