This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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