i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
