have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
