I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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