and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
