can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
