Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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