so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you win again, gameday.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Randomize
