I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Floor bacon is actually really good
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