Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I think people are normalizing furries
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
